Persistence Pays
Life is a long shot. The odds can swing in any direction at any given time.
Once a week over the past 52 weeks, I’ve written a letter addressed to the White House, asking for three or four minutes to interview President Trump. I never heard a word back…until this morning when the phone rang. The transcript is as follows: WH Communications Director: Good morning. This is the White House Communications Director for President Donald Trump calling Mr. Bill Ryan.
BR: This is Bill Ryan WH CD: Hold please. (30 seconds pass) You will now be connected. (I hear a quick buzzing noise and a repetition of quick tics.)
DT: Good morning. Is this Bill?
Donald Trump here.
BR: Good morning Mr. President.
Wow! This is certainly an honor to speak with you.
DT: I know, thank you. Everyone says that. What's on your mind? It's early there. What time is it?
BR: Not quite 5 a.m, sir. DT: We woke you then, can't be helped, can’t be helped, the world never sleeps.
BR: No sir, I was awake, just having my coffee while I watched the morning news and getting ready for my bus route.
DT: Ah yes, a bus driver, that's right, that's what your file says, a bus driver.
Little minds, hopefully someday big minds, gotta get ‘em to school safely, teach ‘em about America. We’re the greatest country that has ever existed, Bill. You know that right? Absolutely
the greatest anyone has ever seen.
BR: Yes sir, I agree with you whole- heartedly.
DT: Most people do, most people do, and it only makes sense, and why would they not? This is a wonderful country we live in, Bill. The greatest that God ever created and I keep improving every day. And you, driving those beautiful children on that big beautiful bus, it’s fantastic, totally fantastic.
BR: Yes sir, fantastic, again I agree whole-heartedly.
DT: Most people do, most people do. (Slight pause) So what would you like to ask me, Bill? I have an international security briefing in a few minutes, important stuff, very important.
BR: Um well okay I'd like to know about our possible annexation of Greenland. The opposition says it’s an overreach, amounting to imperialistic thievery – their words not mine. What say you?
DT: Greenland, wonderful place, sitting up there in the North Atlantic all by itself. It’s cold there; good fishing they say. Americans love fish.
It’s a perfect match. Fish and ice. Americans love ice, can’t get enough fish or ice. Eric the Red, smart cookie that Viking.
BR: But is it an overreach?
DT: No, I don't think so. The reason is twofold. The first is for security, never can be too secure, lotsa bad actors out there threatening our security, things you never hear about. I can’t tell you, I can’t tell you, but they’re not good, not good.
BR: Okay, and the second reason? DT: Besides the fish and the ice? BR: Yes. DT: The minerals are a bonus, lots and lots of minerals buried beneath all that snow and beautiful frozen water, they call it a glacier, I don’t know, I call it gold, a golden opportunity for America and the Greenlanders.
BR: Most Greenlanders as well as many Americans seem to be against the idea.
DT: James Monroe initiated the Louisiana Purchase in 1803. William Seward bought us Alaska in 1867. Both times they were harassed for it, and now look; they were geniuses for their vision. I’m no different, no different at all. Great thinkers rarely have an easy go.
BR: Okay, that seems fair enough. How about the troubles in Minnesota?
DT: Ah, Minnesota, magnificent Minnesota. It’ll all work out, we’re doing one heck of a job there, a fabulous job, no one’s ever seen anything like it before. And then they can get back to making their cheese, that delicious nutritious Minnesota cheese, sharp cheddar, that’s what I like.
BR: I think you're referring to Wisconsin, Mr. President.
DT: Ah yes, Wisconsin, wonderful Wisconsin; Paul Bunyan and Babe
the Blue Ox, that beautiful blue ox.
BR: Excuse me sir, but those belong to Minnesota. (A buzz and quick tic tic sound) WHCD: Your security council is ready for you, Mr. President.
DT: Well Bill, I think I need to be going now. You have yourself a good day.
BR: Thank you very much, Mr.
President. It’s been an honor and true pleasure.
DT: I know, you're welcome, everybody says that. Good bye.
